It's about time!!!

Yes I know it has been many months since my
last blog, but I'm ready to make up for some lost time and start blogging again.

The last five months have been so hard on me and I'm still trying to figure out why. This is Michael's second deployment and living the army life style we are use to being apart. So I'm not sure why I'm still feeling lost and empty. I feel like I have lost my best friend, and I cant get over the sadness I feel for Michael and our children.
It was so different the first time Michael deployed, the kids were so young and had no clue where daddy was. They actually thought he lived in the computer and to be honest it was much easier. The days seemed like they went by faster and before I knew it, it was time for Michael to be home. But this time is completely different. Madison and Payton both know where their daddy is and what he is doing. Not because we told them but because they go to a school with other military children who talk. Where Michael is, there isn't much communication and seeing him over skype is far and few.

The worst part for me as a wife and a mother is seeing my family hurt. When Payton comes to me crying because he's had another nightmare about his daddy, or Maddy who cries just because she misses her so daddy so much. And when I see the pain in Michael's face from missing us, I don't know what to do. I pray everyday I could take all of their pains away from them and I wish I can stop the hurt but I cant and I hate that feeling. I'm trying everything in my power to make everything ok for everyone and I just keep saying a couple more months but my words aren't enough.

We are so proud of Michael and what he does. I don't want anyone to think for a second that I'm not supporting my husband or his job because I am, I just want my Michael home and safe with his family. I wish I was stronger emotionally for Michael. I'm trying my best but its really hard to be a single parent and do the job of a mommy and a daddy. And on top of that,take care of everything around the house and the car. I have to keep our life running as if Michael was here.Its alot of stress to handle. I worry all the time about Michael's safety, and everyday I think it could be the day I get that knock at my door and that would be the end of my world. I try to block that thought as much as I can because I know that Michael and I are going to grow old together and watch our children grow up and have their own children. I just wish he didn't have to be gone for a year.

I love my family and I know that this is part of our life and we will get through this. We will even be stronger because of all of it. I hope it starts to go by faster.